SAHD With His TV Dramas

Wills grins sheepishly. This girl is more than a little surprise to learn of his secret passion at night. Earlier on, she confesses her secret sin of chocolate truffles at midnight.

Over copious cups of Pu Erh tea, Wills narrates the plots and sub plots of the Hokkien tele-drama that he has been following into the wee hours of the mornings.

“You’ve really turned into a housewife!” she retorts. The going on and shenanigans of the Taiwanese drama is a melting pot of who-dun-its, business takeovers and sibling rivalry over the same girl.

Wills is a SAHD or stay-at-home dad. Sometimes referred to as a househusband or house-spouse, he is the father of two lovely boys age 9 and 12. He is the main caregiver and the homemaker of the household.

After years of putting gruelling hours at the office which took a toll on his health and quality of life; Wills made a life changing decision. He quit his high paying senior position in a foreign bank. He relocates his family back to his hometown in Taiping.

The family has some business and coupled the rental from several properties that he inherited, Wills decides to take a well-deserved rest and do the things that he enjoys most.

Wills chooses this role mainly because he enjoys being an active part of their children's lives: teaching his boys at home; taking them to school, going to their games and coaching the boy’s football team are all the perks that he loves. His wife, Sally opts to continue working and continues to grow her insurance business.

With this arrangement, both Wills and Sally have become the envy of their friends in Kuala Lumpur. Their days are spent leisurely. With a fixed income from their property rental, both are free to pursue their interests.

Wills found out that he’s partial to housework and has become a little of a celebrity in their small town. He loves hosting events and cooking up a storm. His Laksa and cakes are delicious and well made. He has become home proud and takes to interior decorating and gardening. He has coffee mornings or tea sessions with the neighbourhood housewives.

This girl is simply amazed. “You’re still very much a man, aren’t you Wills,” she teases him.

Wills laughs, “Yes, in fact now that I have such a relaxing life, Sally actually finds me a handful at night!” he winks for effect.

The practice of being a stay-at-home dad is increasingly common in Asia. This change in the family dynamics is apparent when the then-prevailing norm of sex and gender roles being reversed is more prevalent in homes where the woman opts to pursue a career. Nowadays it is no longer the norm that the father is the sole breadwinner and the mother the caregiver/homemaker.

When wives chose to work outside the home, alternative childcare becomes a necessity. Faced with unsuitable or undesirable childcare, stay-at-home dad has become a very viable option.

Most families with both parents working full time jobs have the “youngish” grandparents looking after the children. Sometimes, the elderly grandparents become the overseer when the child is left in the care of a maid.

Where the grandparents are either too old or invalids, the babies are sent to the baby sitter. The baby sitter is a woman in her late forties to fifties with school going children of her own or grown up children who need the extra income.

Young parents often leave their babies with the sitter sometimes immediately after the confinement period *(see note). The arrangement can be for day care where the parents pick the babies up after work, and care for it during the night and returning the child in the morning before going off to work again.

Some parents with heavy work schedules or shift work or staying far away may opt for full time care. They will only take their babies up on the weekends or some maybe just for Sunday.

This girl finds it a little sad that babies are “forced” to live with another family which may have values which are very different from its parents.

Another option is SAHD which has become more socially acceptable as this is regularly portrayed in the media, especially in the United States. With the disappearance of white-collar jobs that men have traditionally filled and with an increasing number of middle-aged men made redundant, the reversal of roles is more for economic reasons.

Sometimes the woman has a higher paid job, so it makes more economic sense for her to continue working and for the man to take on the caregiver role.

With emails and internet, many men are able to work at home, or work flexible or odd hours. The woman may have a typical nine-to-five work week.

There are some retired men who marry younger women and may want to be a SAHD. They may want a “second chance” to experience their child’s growth in a second or even third marriage.

However, in some regions of the world the stay-at-home dad remains culturally unacceptable.


*Confinement period is the time when mother and new born are “quarantined” at time to help the new mom recover from the rigours of pregnancy, labour and birth. For Malaysian Chinese mom, this period last for an entire month after the baby’s birth. The celebration thereafter is called Baby’s Full Moon.

Doris Lim is a popular freelance writer who blogs as Little Fish on travel and food stories here. Be sure to check out her other inspiring stories and follow her Instagram @SmartDoryID & Facebook to check out more places to eat delicious street foods or dine in the best restaurants!